Saturday, March 10, 2007

"Why Men are Happier"

This is some spam sent me this morning by Austin Carr. Like me, he is supposedly working at his office on Saturday morning. (Not like me, he usually works all day on Saturdays, indicating, of course, that I am a much more efficient and faster worker; I try to leave by noon.) I am, of course, supposed to be working here at the office too, but he insists on sending me this sort of thing when he knows that I am here at my desk trying to support my family.

Why men are happier

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car Mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all of your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!


Macon said...

The world is your urinal.

I was this close to making this the current K&K subtitle.

Paul Stokes said...

It must be the genes. I thought this was the most clever of all the one liners in this piece of spam. I'm sorry about the genes.

Paul Stokes said...

And, by the way, the garage is definitely not mine.